How to Stop Fearing ‘No’

How-To-Stop-Fearing-No-sml

Image Credit: Erika Raxworthy

Hearing the word ‘no’ has been known to send us for a loop. When rejection comes knocking, we find ourselves wondering why we’ve hit a wall and self-doubt tends to creep in: “Are we not good enough?,” we ask. (Strong enough? Efficient enough? Fast enough? Nice enough. Talented enough. The list goes on and on.)

Yet, every time we travel down the path of self-doubt, we have to stop and remind ourselves that it may not be us. In fact, it might actually be them. Perhaps you didn’t get a raise because there was no raise to be had. Maybe your friend respectfully declined your invitation because she simply had other plans. For all you know, hundreds of qualified professionals sent proposals for that freelance job you didn’t land. Whatever the case, we strive to keep others in mind when we hear an unexpected ‘no.’

In the same vein, we mustn’t allow the fear of hearing ‘no’ to keep us from asking in the first place. We’ve found endless inspiration from Jia Jiang’s 100 days of rejection therapy, yet putting ourselves out there—whether with friends, family, colleagues, bosses or potential job prospects—can bring on a level of debilitating fear.

Tell us if any of this sounds familiar:

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

What if my proposal isn’t perfect?”

“What if they deny my request for a promotion?” 

We’ve all been there. However, we’d like to offer up an opportunity to rephrase the questions: What if they don’t deny your request? What if they love your proposal so much that they hire you on the spot? What if she’s just been waiting for you to ask her to coffee? On other words: What’s the worst that could happen?

In our experience, it’s best to embrace the chance of rejection. Once you do, you’ll realize that the word ‘no’ isn’t the end of a conversation (or the world). In fact, it might be a huge step in a new—and potentially exciting—direction. Yesterday’s ‘no’ might create space for today’s ‘yes’ and you never know what opportunities might come to fruition once you put yourself out there.

So, here’s to looking fear in the face and giving the word ‘no’ a big Clemetnine-sized hug.

p.s. Looking for a little inspiration from other women who’ve pushed limits and made strides? Here are 10 role models we love.

516 comments

  1. This post really resonated with me. I’ve just started my blog, and it took me real courage to firstly publish my first post, and secondly ask my friends if they liked it. So scared of hearing that no. In fact what happened was an old friend that had been following me through social media got in touch to say me starting my blog resonated with her and she invited me to meet up with her. Apparently both of us had thought about contacting the other to meet up again after spreading our wings a little. So easy to be put off by ‘hearing’ no…when quite often you haven’t even asked the question. X

    • What a touching story, Stella. We love hearing that. Thank you for sharing. Congrats and best wishes to you. xo

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  3. Thanks for this post, what a good reminder not to take “no” personally! I’ve never been good at hearing no, but starting a business means you have to learn to work your way through it or you won’t make any progress. So I’m learning, and every bit helps! xo

    • Leanne, we appreciate your insight. Thank you for your comment. Best wishes in your business adventures! xo

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  5. An excellent therapist once told me that it actually doesn’t matter, in the end, whether I believe I’ll be rejected or not. The school I was applying to would accept or not accept me based on my application, not how nervous the application made me. The realization that I had no control over it was incredibly freeing. All you can do is try your best and things will go your way or they won’t. (I got in, by the way.)

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